happy solstice

what could i say that could not be captured by how my hand slowly raises to my cheek, as if a shared heartshaped avenue pulls it there

Star, moth, moon, sun, all pulled out of me

""This is how a tree earns its growth rings: through the simple, defiant miracle of weathering time.'"

i am bisexual

‘And it’s only love with a little bit of rain / and I hope to see you again.’ "to remain steadfast on the borders of another’s grief may be the greatest, most holy act of love one can perform." nick c, who has bore so much in his hands

tell him

Isn’t it best to put the broken bits of pieces of my heart back together again

it’s wildly new for me to so freely share and divulge the details of my life to other people but i am trying to do a 360 new way of living where i refuse to conceal and hide and consider any part of me secret. going the extreme….. i feel terrible shame about the vulnerability and the thought that i may be considered volatile or crazy for speaking of my feelings but i will accept rejection and incompatibility if it means i can rewire my brain and ensure that i never suffer in silence ever again

don't give up on miracle
and i just want to cry

attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity (weil)
attention is the beginning of devotion (oliver)
absolutely unmixed attention is prayer (weil)
attention is vitality (sontag)

dress me yes, again

I am allowed to be triggered by having to ask someone to see me!!!!!!!!!!

Trauma won’t disappear from your nervous system just because over time you’ve ignored it enough

i move through my relationships as a poet and it's fascinating how most of the people that i've encountered don't get to experience this part of me. relationships are quite special containers for truth and love

Robert Bly - cunning “involves the person rearranging his life in such a way that he can feel the first experience again"

Love enhances my life

Don't say i don't feel the attraction, all i feel is the attraction

Watching my loneliness shroud and then dissipate on a loop. My weather!

sober as the day is long..

"these songs of love, passion, devotion, spiritual awakening, and the pain of rejection" do i summon or surrender

“... We cannot eliminate the so-called negative forces of afflictive emotions. The only way to work with them is to encounter them directly, enter their world, and transform them. They then become manifestations of wisdom. Our weaknesses become our strengths, the source of our compassion for others, and the basis of our awakened nature.”

6AM i'm looking for a street that rhymes

Wood betony is one of a group of "nerve tonic" (nervine) herbs used in traditional herbal medicine for people with anxiety, with few reports of toxicity.

Other nervines include oats (oat straw), hops , passion flower , American skullcap , wood betony, motherwort , pennyroyal , and linden.

comfrey healed my injury

my gemini moon in the 7th house makes me feel like each relationship is a journey, i often reflect on those relationships as if i had been traveling. the struggle is sometimes i take that sense of travel too far and they become trips abroad. my inner sense of wanting to find a home is something i look to relationships to shape with (and historically for) me. luckily i know how i relate to senses of "travel" can change and broaden. i feel it moving this jagged little hyperlink says it all


In love with my life again. It's always like this. As if things could be small. I wrote in 2019: "I’m in a world imagined. And it’d be unimaginable until now. Unbelievable how the world will always be new to me. I always want to lose my heart in it."

I remain at the mercy of an incomplete vision when I am disembodied, when I am self-betraying, when I am denying, when I am apathetic, when I am ignoring, when I am settling.

yes you were, you were on my mind

incisive pdf about herbal contraindications


why the fuck should i push myself, meet me where i am

Very important to me to have at least one dirty spoon somewhere on the floor of my car

You can have all my birthday wishes

my skin is charged by the heat and i hope for someone with cold hands to touch me soon. i feel all sorts of love right now and my temperature is cycling

when i share my favorite song online that either means it's not precious or it's so precious i must release it into the air

zoom book club where we are all reading different books and simply sharing favorite excerpts

please fall in love with me!

to be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight

enchanted rain touch hold touch hold touch hold


receiving affectionate texts and my face blushes like the sun is rising in it

"The removal of threat is not the same thing as the experience of safety"

i am a beautiful person

how i learned to trust myself and love the machine i'm living in... well, i installed a new system and put the old one on an external hard-drive that i keep wrapped in a velvet cloth


some people shouldn't be allowed to write in only lowercase (text i sent to souha)

drinking my little jar of tea in bed imagining what i'd be like if i prayed consistently, i think there's a phase of my life that is coming, where i will be far more outwardly using language of the divine

billie eilish is doing good things

trying to figure out what sleeping bag i want to buy based on the color scheme and how similar it looks to a cloud

want someone to play with me :(

we will never truly know dinosaurs

here i am free to be un-identified, attached to no name, no avatar, you have no sense of my "popularity" and thus must confront your own desires - to engage with the material of me or not - you cannot absorb my following or my celebrity, you have no idea if i have those things, there is no knowing me through my take on the grid, you have to feel me with no rulers

"Not only do I fail to access hyperobjects at a distance, but it also becomes clearer with every passing day that "distance" is only a psychic and ideological construct designed to protect me from the nearness of things."

so good to eat shit off the floor after you drop it

you should be able to eat cereal anywhere

syncing up with nourishment now