Date: 1/19/21
Time: 8:25PM
Subject: Like new

I've been seeing the same therapist for six years now. The number six says to me, "home." A peaceful, foundational vibration.

My cast iron got stripped and reseasoned today. The pan's new sheen does not convince me that it is now fully reliable, but I am convinced that I tried my best. The oven was on for hours. In and out, buffing oil into the hot pan over and over.

Date: 1/11/21
Time: 4:54PM
Subject: Notes before dinner

Jonah mailed me mugwort salve many weeks ago. Mystical synthesis. Dreamt of water, rainbow-striped fabric, birthdays, a cabin, iterations of memories.

Just sitting and thinking about how my car is an entity as well as a place, like a room, to me. And it is sitting on the street wishing I would come and tidy it up. Lots of things strewn about the carpeted floor. Dried lavender, spoons, CDs, boring paperbacks, cheap Ikea thermos.

I will continue tinkering for the rest of the week, on various things, in various places

Date: 1/5/21
Time: 5:26AM
Subject: Little cope

Like in early August, "somatic health" instead of "mental health." Trees frozen in a spidery lean, the snow untouched by any other human-animals.

Current struggles
No will to drink water
Mattress feels like a brick
Intrusive thoughts (undefined)
Running out of blank paper
Waking up extremely cold in bed

Bought some used hiking boots online. I would also like a little propane stove so I can make baked beans in the woods.

"so little is a stone"

The Best of Sicily