I've been seeing the same therapist for six years now. The number six says to me, "home." A peaceful, foundational vibration.
My cast iron got stripped and reseasoned today. The pan's new sheen does not convince me that it is now fully reliable, but I am convinced that I tried my best. The oven was on for hours. In and out, buffing oil into the hot pan over and over.
Jonah mailed me mugwort salve many weeks ago. Mystical synthesis. Dreamt of water, rainbow-striped fabric, birthdays, a cabin, iterations of memories.
Just sitting and thinking about how my car is an entity as well as a place, like a room, to me. And it is sitting on the street wishing I would come and tidy it up. Lots of things strewn about the carpeted floor. Dried lavender, spoons, CDs, boring paperbacks, cheap Ikea thermos.
I will continue tinkering for the rest of the week, on various things, in various places
Like in early August, "somatic health" instead of "mental health." Trees frozen in a spidery lean, the snow untouched by any other human-animals.
Current struggles
No will to drink water
Mattress feels like a brick
Intrusive thoughts (undefined)
Running out of blank paper
Waking up extremely cold in bed
Bought some used hiking boots online. I would also like a little propane stove so I can make baked beans in the woods.
"so little is a stone"
The Best of Sicily